http://lovelifemyguitar.blogspot.in/2012/12/the-story-so-far.html ---> THE STORY SO FAR

http://lovelifemyguitar.blogspot.in/2012/11/the-prank-call.html --> THE PRANK CALL.


Do leave a comment at the end of the post you read.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

I Will Get Over Her, SOMEHOW!!!

(IT will help if you read this : i-love-someone-who-loves-someone-else post before this :))

“Sorry, I haven’t been able to get in touch with you, like, for days now… was busy with the fest thing and the good thing is we won the first prize”, Govind was talking to me for the first time after THE disaster.

I knew he was busy so I had left a message with him on facebook describing in short what had happened.

“Ya, heard that from Alok a few days back… Good for you”, I replied

“When did you get to know about all this and from whom?”
“On 6th of November… heard it from Neha only. Somewhere inside, I had a doubt if the guy was Debashis, now confirmed; feeling like shit right now. Had never cried in front of anyone but couldn’t hold up my salty friends to flow when I was with Ankit.”

“I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now L” hint of regret for me was noticeable now.
“She said his name with a smiley. Felt like she chopped my head off with a sword.”

“How could Neha do such a thing?”

“You are saying that like she had an option to choose between me & Debashis, and she chose him. It’s not like it was her fault; she doesn’t even know that I have a liking towards her. Guess, I will always be a coward and a loser.”

“Come on!! No one can be that dumb to notice especially when someone texts you regularly asking about their well-being, when someone does something special like you did on her birthday, when someone cares for someone so much; she must be knowing that you like her alright. And you are not a loser.”

“Yeah, Yeah!! Whatever!! What happened can’t be undone anyway!! And now that I think of, Anshu was way better with her than Debashis. He looks smart, had a personality and good in talent field too. Now Neha is stuck with a Douchebag... ” I said with a tinge of irritation now “... She was denying to say the name to me telling, she would tell me some other time for sure; she promised she would, but I don’t understand the point of hiding the name now and keep it for some other time. What’s the point in hiding if you are gonna tell eventually, right?”

“Maybe because you guys are of same college, she wanted to keep it from you for some time.”
“Yeah, like, I would be in my college for the next 3 and half years, so would she keep that from me till then? Maybe I’m starting to lose my mind now. My life is so fucked up man.”

“She will realize her mistake eventually brother. Relax.” He said trying to calm me down.
“Mistake? Maybe this isn’t a mistake. Maybe he is the guy meant to be with her. Besides, she can never be wrong. She must have seen something in him to fall in love with right because she was the girl who used to deny existence of love, and now she says she is in love.”

“But I know you liked her so much, from the bottom of your heart.”
“Would that make any difference, that I liked her. There must be others like me too. May be Debashis liked her more than I did. May be I wasn’t meant to be her choice. May be I don’t deserve her.”

“Others wanted to make her their girlfriend, but you have always wanted to see her happy and always were a good friend to her. The girl failed to see such a pure heart caring for her. She failed you brother. She doesn’t deserve you.” I felt desperation in his tone, trying to console, calm me down heard.

“She didn’t see me, like, literally. You know we haven’t met in person yet and I was a stupid to fall for a girl whom I haven’t even met; I mean, who does that. I loathed all those internet love stories I had heard about. I considered them impractical, but seems like I’m a victim now. And how could she even figure out just through my words, my texts that I liked her to that extent? No one can.” I kept defending my stay that I didn’t deserve her, all along.

“You think she didn’t read your blog? You had a doubt that she might have visited your previous blog, so you deleted it and created this one. She had the link to her previous blog. I’m sure if she had the link to it, she would have atleast visited and read it because that was your blog she visited. She read the blog dude.”
“Na… she couldn’t have read my blog”

Did she really? What Govind was suggesting might be true!

“Lemme reason my stand” I added.
“Because she was angry on you at that time when she got the link to the blog and being angry on you she didn’t care to visit the link?”
“Just hear me out for a sec, would ya?”

“Two months ago or so, we had a fight as you know it. She was angry on me and had she read the blog, she would have been furious on me and as she said, it was two months ago when the guy proposed her and if at all she was furious at me then, then in no way she would have had accepted his proposal in that mind state. That’s what I think. God Forbid, if anything happens in their relationship, I will be there for her, but she is happy now and let’s hope she remains happy. I don’t deserve her damn it!! She deserved someone better than me and may be…”

“Forget Neha yaar. She didn’t deserve you.”

“… It is Debashis she deserved to be with all along.”
“She is a silly girl brother unable to see the love and care you had for her, and in no way that guy is better than you are.”
“We don’t know Debashis so let’s not jump into conclusions and judge him in a wrong way. Neha wouldn’t have chosen him just like that.”
“But I know you, so I can confidently defend my stand.”
“Truth can’t be denied bro. Now you are saying things just to make me feel good but seriously, you don’t need to and it’s not like I’m gonna commit suicide.”

“You know me; I don’t say things to make you feel better. At times I point your mistakes but you know I would never do such a thing. And what the fuck are you talking about? Suicide?”

“You know sometimes people see someone so depressed that it might cross their mind, ‘this person isn’t going to suicide. Is he?’ I’m just clearing things here. I’m just too much of a coward to physically hurt myself, slit my veins and all that filmy stuff. Suicide is out of option. Ha-Ha.”

“Shut your mouth asshole. How can you think I would think such a thing about you? Did you think of even doing it?”
“No… No way am I committing suicide. Fuck You!!”
“Fuck you!! SOB!! Don’t even talk, think about it. Stay coward and don’t try to be brave in this case…” He said, “… Get over Neha man. She is just a silly girl”

“I told you, don’t call her silly. She isn’t. Loving someone isn’t silly. She loves someone; it’s no fault of her.”

“I’m not calling her silly because she loves someone else but because she didn’t notice your love. I mean who sacrifices their sleep to wish his/her birthday. I’m sure no one would have done that like you did. You stayed awake all night to make sure she got every message at the right time. That shows how you cared about her.”

“I dozed off in the middle for like an hour and lost on message. I could send only 23 messages out of the 24 I had planned earlier. Does that show you my dedication?” I fired back.

“It does bro. No one is perfect. Sending 23 messages was quite an achievement in itself and atleast not my piece of cake; and believe me, I have many friends who have partners but no one has ever done anything like you have done for her. So I know she is silly.”

“May be, but you know fate hasn’t been exactly on my side all this time. I know I didn’t fake my love & care for her but somehow, fate won’t be on my side every time.”

“Don’t say bro. May be fate has, God has something else in store for you. I’m sure you will get someone as lovely as you are and she will love you back more than you will. Get over Neha brother...”

“Don’t get so worked up for me Govind. I know you care but let me handle this myself; I don’t you to be worried about me…” the clock showed 4 A.M. “… Now go get some sleep. I will try to get some too…”

“I’m feeling so bad and so worried about you. I know you will get over her. You have to!! Bye now, if you say so. Get some rest yourself. Good night, I mean Good morning…ah…eh… you know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. I will get over her, SOMEHOW!!! I guess!!! Bye and take care.”

“You too bro.” And we closed our talk. 

Man! We talked for like more than 3 hours and yeah it sure did bring me some relief sharing the things with Govind. He has always been such a good friend and he did his best trying to convince me there was something better for me in the future… I just had to get over Neha, SOMEHOW!!! Am I ever gonna get over her?

(P.S. Feedback, ratings, comments are always appreciated :)
If u are wondering about the 23-24 message thing reading this : i-think-i-made-her-day-special will answer ur thoughts :)) 

 - M@nm@y -

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

I love someone who loves someone else

As we go around finding true love, we all experience turbulences, speed bumps, sharp turns, lots & lots of tears (ask me), thousands of text messages, gobs of apologies, few rough patches, on your face, crafted intelligently by someone’s palm (;)), some a$$H()|E$, some b!T(hE$ and if I continue to point things out here, I’m sure the list will be having some thousand points by the end of the day.

Anyways, in spite of all these do we stop our search? We fall in love repeatedly hoping that things will turn just fine this time. More often than not, they do not. But if they do, it makes a great love story. But what if it doesn’t? It makes the person, who lost his/her love; drown in their own pond, fall into their own pit, it makes you feel lonely and you start cursing God for whatever happened & how could He do such a thing to you! It makes you wonder if true love really does exist in this world. It makes you want to lock yourselves in a room, feel as if you are going to die and lets you mourn over your own demise.

“Love is like gravity. You can try to go against, but you really can’t. You can jump off a cliff, trying of fly, but you will not. You will fall. It is inevitable. Similarly, falling in love cannot be pretended. It is inevitable too.
And if you are smart enough to recognize that it is real, you should be smart enough to fight for it and never let it go. Life doesn’t give too many second chances. Don’t let love ever pass by you.”

You may hear these lines from a person who tries to console you and asks you to fight for your lost love, but what if you can’t just fight for it? What if you that make you look one sick and selfish bastard?

I LOVE SOMEONE WHO LOVES SOMEONE ELSE. Let’s face it. I can’t just try to win her over by disputing her relationship with that guy. Should I? My conscience would never let me do that. She is happy and so am I. I mean, I’m happy for her, not for me. But isn’t that what being in love is all about? Sacrificing for the sake of their happiness?

It’s funny how one’s life takes a sudden U-turn.

It was 6th of November. I recently had my number changed and she had hers; so I, by no means, could contact her over phone having lost all previous contact numbers. I started a chat, seeing her online on facebook. Greetings were soon followed by some random talks. God, I had missed her so much. I hadn’t been able to be in touch with her since a week now and finally I reached her. I had so much to talk to her about.

“Hey, i won Miss Rose title on our college’s fresher’s night” she said.
“Ohh!! That’s Lovely. You didn’t you get some sort of crown, did you?” I joked as i didn’t think she would have been offered a crown too for the title she had just won.
“Yup, that and a 112 roses bouquet.” She replied.
“So you did win a crown!! That’s superb. Congrats. J
“Thank you, but you didn’t think I could win?” she asked.
“What!... No… There was never a doubt ;)”

Just then, I saw an update of hers on facebook and realized that to be her relationship status update “Neha has changed her relationship status from being Single to In a Relationship” it read. Holy Shit!!! I was stupefied. Earlier, she did mention about being confused of being in love with some guy but she never happens to mention his name. I secretly wished that guy to be me, if miracles do happen. But seeing this relationship update of hers, i was more than just shocked and i knew it wasn’t me she was talking about then. “There was never a doubt”? Ha! How ironical!

“It’s time to tell me what you have been hiding ever since” I asked her.
I knew that knowing the name won’t be good for me. Moreover, what could i possibly do if i come to know the guy’s name? But i wanted to know who the guy was.

“I will tell you but this isn’t the time. I will tell you some other time” she replied
“What!! Why? What’s there to hide now?”
“I promise i will tell you but not now… I can’t tell now.”
“What’s the point in not telling now? You are promising you would tell me the name later so eventually you will, right? Why not now then?”
“Just like that.”
“Just like that?? Why are you hiding things from me? For our friendship’s sake please tell me. I’m way too curious to know the name. At least tell me how do you know him and when did this happen?” I was starting to get restless.
“We had been friends since last 2 years and this happened about 2 months ago.”
“Hmm... Now, the name please....”
“Sorry but i can’t tell you now”
“Go to hell for doing this to me. You are depriving me of my right to know the name. So go to hell!!” I was panicking now.
“okkk...” she replied
“Okkk??? You are saying okkk???”
“Ok, 1 hint. You know him…”

Then, i saw a facebook friend of mine had also updated his relationship status just after 5 minutes from hers. I was confused, is he the one? Nahh, can’t be? I started praying God, “He can’t be the one?? No... Not he... please!!!!

I didn’t even know the guy, even if he was from my college, but still i had sent him a friend request just like that. Now, may be because he was in my facebook friend list she thought i must know that guy. Of her hint, i guessed his name.
“Is it Debashis???”

It was heart breaking. I logged out of facebook. I had earlier decided that once she says the name, other than mine of course, I would stay away from her. Images of her holding hands with him, resting in his arms and what not, started haunting me soon.

I went outside my room. Now, knowing that I have lost her, I couldn’t keep the pain inside and cry before my room-mate. I went to the balcony, sat there and soon enough, tiny little saline ambassadors of water rushed their way out of my eyes.

Curses soon followed. After few minutes of cursing; asking God why He did this to me, wasn’t i loyal enough, wasn’t my love strong enough, tears stopped finally after having sucked almost all the water from my body. I was feeling very weak now. I washed my face, covered my tear tracks; I went to Ankit’s room. I needed someone around and Ankit was closest to me, in my college. He also knew that i was in love with Neha.

In my hostel, a single room was supposed to accommodate two persons. Ankit’s room was no different. Two beds lay in the room. Ankit was working on some of his club's business on his laptop when i knocked his door. I went in and sat on the bed opposite to him. He told me what he was working on. I just nodded and asked him to continue his work while i would just sit there. Not that didn’t want him to know what just happened, but I just couldn’t say it to him.

“Wassup?” he asked me.
“Ahh!! No..Not..nothing…” Damn!! I was hardly able to speak. I felt a huge lump in my throat and words just wouldn’t come out.
“Dude, something wrong? And why are eyes red?” he asked

I just nodded implying there was nothing wrong, but then a tear drop accidentally slipped from my eyes. He came and sat beside me asking again what was wrong!
“Did Neha do anything?”

I couldn’t control anymore and unending flow of tears started again, but still I couldn’t answer him. I just kept crying in his arms. He was trying hard to console me but i wouldn’t stop crying. He was feeling sorry for me. After sometime i stopped crying i didn’t know how to tell him about what just happened to me. He asked me again after I stopped crying but I would just turn my head away and another tear would slip its way out. I rushed out of his room.

Entering my room, I dumped myself in my bed and tried to sleep avoiding my room-mate any sort of eye contact. I wasn’t able to sleep. After trying hard to sleep for around 3 hours, I could finally sleep to find myself awake only at 1PM the next day.

I wonder, what my life would be from here on, now that i know she is in a relationship? But this fact doesn’t change least of it; I still wanted her to be happy and I still wanted her around. I still cared about her more than anything.  I still loved her but my love is for someone who loves someone else.


Thursday, December 8, 2011

Yes I'm In Love

It never feels good not to be loved back by the person who you could actually fight against the entire world for if they turn against you, ready to lay your life if he/she asks you to & more that are in process of being framed; meaning i haven’t successfully able to put it into words yet.

I was crazily, stupidly, madly – the adjectives just fall short – in love with her. Well to think of it, ‘love’ is a strong word to be used in this context. I’m not sure what love actually is and what it is to be in love, if you ask me honestly. Well, who knows what love is? Is there any definition to it? It’s just a feeling that no matter how much we try, fall short of words describing it. Or that’s what i have been imbued with by the movies.

But, if love is something that you would describe as a feeling that lets you care about that her more than you would for anyone else, if it is something that you would sacrifice everything for her, if it is something that would make you do anything just to see her smile, if it is something in which she is one reigning your mind’s thoughts, if it is something that makes your heart skips few beats, if it is something that makes you smile for no reason and you end up giving others that i-wasn’t-smiling-madly look, if it is something that makes you feel that this would be best ever thing that could have had happened to you; then, I would say “YES I’M IN LOVE“.  

(Do leave your valuable comments and rate the post that would help me review the content of my blog... thank you for being patient enough to scan through the posts :)
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